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Left, Right, Left We All Fall Down, But The Battle Rages On.
( 2004-12-03 @ 2:11 a.m. )

"Allright, who's been smokin' the misletoe?"

Hello all, your friendly Hoodie Revolutionary here. So grab a spork, pry out your eyes, and plug your ears. I apologize profusely for the amoung of suck you are about to endure. My life is fucky beyond all belief and recognition and I'm stupidly giddy. Go figure, onlt in the "Ivy-Zone" does wonky and fucky=giddy. Sure, ok nothing is how I WANT it...well...sort of...HELL IF I KNOW!

But I DO KNOW where my passions are, and that doesnt make life boring. I STILL don't know where I'm going. I just have a better idea of how to GO nowhere. Um yes....as it were...ok...whatever.

I do have friends that make me laugh, sometimes so hard I fall otu of my wheely chair. I have conspiracies {Winks at James} and secrets {Some WAY bigger than you think}. I have revelations {still learning} and dissapointments {OOOPS! I mean relationships}. I have hopes and dreams {carried in tissue paper, sometimes by my own hands, sometimes in anothers} and I have wishes and memories {sent to the stars and stored in boxes respectivley}. I have unicorns and dragons {Jo and Jamie} and I have Punk Rock Princesses {Rachel, Beckers and Kate}. I also have a voice {Dissent and Democracy} that I should use more loudly, and more often. Yea...I do have stuff.

Another year will end soon. I will be 24. I won't have a guy. I'll be alone. I do know my career path. I still make bad/stupid/preventable typoes. I have been inspired. I have possibly inspired {gee I hope}. I have moved...both houses AND forward. I've changed. I have overselpt and underslept. I work for free in the call of public service. I have TRIED to be noble. Mostly I'm just stupid. Lost someone I thought was my best friend. Found another one because I lost the first one. Discovered love sucks. Also discovered that depends on the context in which you mean love. Learned NOT to play with super-glue bottles {thanks Rachel}. Learned how to plot conspiracies over 2 am long distance calls {Thansk James}. I also now know you can "suffocation" and "wimple pressboards" and pry your eyes out with sporks {Thanks Thor}. Also leanred I am not the nly one who has psycho Republican Family members {Thanks Beckers}. I was reminded I'm still not so bad pf a friend {Thanks Andy}. I remembered WHY I told you EVERYTHING and why I love you {Kate}. I swam naked in the ocean. I got hit by five billiob frigging hurricanes. I went without power for two weeks, In Florida, in the summer. I hurt myself using duct tape. I went into exile. I was thrice a sun, a moon, a star. I almost died this year {literally} but I didnt. I decided in retrospect that it was a bad idea.

So instead I lived.

And to some I am a disaster, others a memory. I won my county for the Democrats. I have found the joys of C-SPAN and C-SPAN2. I remembered how to breathe.

{I'm not ok, I'm not Oh-Fucking-K} And hey, THAT is ok.

So in the spirit of memories, allow me to introduce you to some of mine, in the form of a billion scanned pictures. Look at your own risk, if you go through all of these I'll give you a cookie. Also if you happen to be lookign for my Christmas/Birthday wishlist go back one entry!

Me shortly after completley shaving my head to let my mohawk grow out! Don't I just look liek a BAD-ASS?~Laughs~

Ives all casual at Sea World! My hair is blue...not that you can TELL that.

Also Me and before somebody asks why I am wearing next to nothing, and WHY I put this here. Well it's from a set f photos my friend who is a photographer took of me, so nothing questionable going on, no worries, he's a photo major in college. Anyways I ptu it here to prove I clean up nicely, and dont ALWAYS look....well weird.

Weird profile shot of me. I think it only half-scanned, but oh well! I loko weird! Taken in Cassadaga by the way.

LOL! You will see many shots of these people in this entry. That's Josh, my friend Nikki, then me from left to right. Nikki's b-friend Jay plays in a goth band, so we used to get all gothed up to go here him at a club abotu an hour from here. Although I think it's safe to say we were all drunk there. In this shot.

OMG! Tis Rachel, High Priestess of The Divine Bovine {The Holy Cow, and NO DO NOT ask} and the man LARS HIMSELF! This being from this just past Warped Tour, this was the Orlando show here......EEEE! Don't they look brilliant together? And isn't Rachel like GORGEOUS?

WTF? Ok this is me, at maybe 17 or so.....I think I was dressed up for a play, or....something I cant remember, either way I had a cute black bob cut, and I lokk like a sad mime!

AAAH! Ok, thsi is me. I used to LARP {Live action Role Play} and this was me one night before going off to a gaming session, DONT I LOOK SCARY? Eeee! And yes, that *IS* *MY* hair.

Oh Lord Me and Craig, the x-boyfriend on my college campus, ok so I hate him, but fuinny picture neh?

REJECTS Of the All American Persuasion. Me and The Lead Singer of AAR.......GOOD LORD is this a GOOFY picture!

Scary Me and Nikki all uber-gothed out again at out club to watch her b-friend. That's me with the short black hair, boots and mini-skirt, with the mudslide in my hand!LOL!

Me and Lars also from the Orlando show, this was round-abouts where I got groped...then again, it was Lars, no complaints!

Witchy A photograph taken by my friend Mark, the photographer, I made the outfit I'm wearing! Wheee!

Me and my Dad Yes I am making the "ACK! Ew, no DO NOT hug me" face.

TINKERHELL YAY! My photographer frien Mark also took this set of pics, and named me Tinkerhell for it, he said I looked cute in a "Bite your head off Punk Rock Pixie" way.

TINKERHELL2 Another picture from above-mentioend set!

Ives with HAIR! It was actually alot brighter color than it seems in this pic, it was bright-arse red.

Ives at Sea World with blue and green hair, the picture of me SUCKS! Focus on my cool hair!

Me and Rachel KISSING LARS! DAMNIT WE RULE! You should have SEEN the emotional high we had after this picture was taken!

Icky me and Danny, my last x, yes the one who just left. Note however my cool dress that closes at the collar with a padlock and my knee-high red vinyl "stripper boots" I have NO fashion sense!

Me and Julie-Cat Blue and green hair, purple hair, and scary plushies abound in my house!

Me and Nikki Before leaving to her her B-Friend play, all uber-gothed out again.

The Punk Rock Ivy we all know and love! Yayness! You can see my lip ring, my nose ring, and if you look carefully in upper right hand corner my eyebrow ring, which I never wear now. I look like such a retard when I stick my tongue out.

Me and my Children Ok, I was trying to get a picture of me and all my babies for my Dad on Father's Day. This was before I got Galadriel so that's why she isn't here. The foofy, white fuzzball on my left is Ruby SoHo the adopted abused doggie, the thing in my lap is Kira my half leopard cat, and the thing that looks like a plushie in mid-leap is my Yorkshire Terrier Kiefer.

Ivy and THE PLUSHIE FROGS FROM HELL! LOL!

Me and Nikki Inside the club, all gothed out, everything I'm wearing, the shirt, the corset, the crucifix, the skirt, even the barette. I made it all! Go me!

Me and Julie-Cat Doing a little Charlie's Angel Parody, with Ruby and Kiefer mugging at the bottom of the pic. We looks SO SILLY! You can see my boots though!

Me and Jay Nikki's B-Friend You can see a close-up of the corset I made here!

Kissy-Face Me in my custom made Linkin Park Hoodie making kissy-face with Ruby and Kiefer!

Before Ok this is a series of two pictures. When your kind of drunk, and go out to Denny's after a club the afore-mentioned picture {Before} is what it looks like. However This is what it looks like AFTER a crazy guy, on 10 different kinds of drugs jumps on TOP of your table!

My baby My Kitty Kira.

Me and Danny again Icky, me and the x again. But my dress rules!

Me and My Sister Yep, me and my sister Hope! Scary neh?

Me being weird What the hell? I have no idea.

HA! Kiefer getting blow-dryed on the ironing board!

Aw! No, not a x-boy friend. One of my Ren Faire buddies, me and Kiefer!

Squee! Me, James, and Kira, isn't James cute? Deadly with a sword as well!

Me Circa High School Me and an old friend of mine dressed up to go out to a Dinner Theatere.

Me and Michelle On my 16th Birthday, we had a limo!LOL!

Me at Sea world with DOLLY THE DOLPHIN! It's tradition, I have to have my picture taken with her every time I go, which means I have dozens of pictures like this.

Me at Sea world doing one of my favorite things. Feeding Sting-Rays!

SCARY Ivy was a model, here is the proof...DUM-DA-DUM! My contact sheet, they messed up my date of birth which is 1980 not 81 but still, there you go. LOOK! YOU CAN SEE MY POINTY EARS!

OMG Me and Lars at the Jacksonville show, where Rachel and I agree that I look like his girlfriend because we look so cuet and cuddly! EEEE! Look at how white my hair is!

Asshat My x Danny, ignore him, LOOK IT'S GALADRIEL PUPPY OF LIGHT!

BELUGA A shot through the glass of the tank of the Beluga whales I lvoe so much at Sea World! I *HEART* Belugas!

Tinkerhell again Another photo from Mark!

Foo-Beasty My RUBY SO-HO!

Spooky! Nikki, me, and Jay before heading to the club, you can see the skirt I made here! Don't we all look happy?

Ivy with PLATINUM blonde hair, and a guinea pig in her lap.

I'm so Pale I'm creating a GLARE!

PUPPY OF LIGHT All bundled up! She looks like a fox!~Pets Galadriel~

Me and my Rancid poster, sorry it's frigging sideways.

RAWR Me and my friends Sara and Duke at Islands of Adventure the day after we saw Rancid the first time, we had a old man take the picture as we flicked off the camera!LOL!

I have one more, but I am randomly going to insert it. Somewhere within these lyrics, It is actually the scan of me, front page of the paper protesting our "President" if you can call him that.

I am SO proud of it I saved it for last.

"Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down...

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle rages on for toy soldiers

I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders
I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it
Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter
I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to
I'm supposed to set an example
I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em
If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em

And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it

That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions was good

Like fuck it i understand this is business
And this shit just isn't none of my business
But still knowin' this shit could pop off at any minute cuz

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

But I'm so busy being pissed off I don't stop to think
We still have soldiers that's on the front line
That's willing to die for us as soon as we give the orders
Never to extort us, strictly to show they support us

That's how I feel, and THANK YOU Eminem for putting it into words for me. The battle rages on for Toy Soldiers, man I'm this leader.....if I blow up I don't show it. I scream, and yell, and would go toe to toe with the President if I had to, YES I WOULD.....and I want peopel to KNOW THAT. I know I have changed.

Politics my friend is tricky buisness. Once you get INTO it, and you SEE, you FEEL in your heart how the country is beign run. You SEE blood on people's hands on YOUR PRESIDENTS hands, you cannot go back to pretending changing the channel is gonna do it anymore. It DOESNT go away, it really doesn't you feel the need to change, some of us are born for public service.

I found ot recently courtesy of a special person I was BORN into this. Made for it. I realize some of you feel like you don't know me anymore.

I AM STILL IVY, but have sympathy for me, ask Thor, or Beckers, I have spent sleepless nights working, I....am fighting a battle that does NOT end, until you fight that battle dont presume to know.

You think you know our President, but you DONT Know the truth, or at least the whole picture. I feel bad for that, I pity you. For people who are so mis-lead. I LOVE my country to much to sleep with the blood, the atrocity...I have friends In Iraq, I get e-mails.

What's happening there SICKENS me, and it SICKENS them......

Well FUCK IT, If I have to be the soldier that never blows her composure, then you will NOT see me falter.

"Nothing is accomplished FOR the people, Unless it's DONE by the people"-Me

"Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist: Keep loving, Keep fighting"-Me

"Great Spirits have always encountered violent opposition from MEDICORE minds"-Random

"BE the change you wish to see in the world"-Random

I WILL NEVER STOP.

You heard me, If you are on the opposition, BE AFRAID......because I have found my callign in life, I will be majoring in Political Science and International Law, once I'm done there I am going to Law School, who does THAT sound like?

A Politician/Lawyer, watch out.

I have people, LOYAL people,{Beckers, Thor and the REST of you I cant mention} and..........I am one toy soldier who will NOT fucking Fall down.

Try to knock me down...I DARE YOU.

I love you all so much. And I will ALWAYS be "Ivy"

Goodnight

I am editing this entry for a VERY important reason.

Home Is Behind // The World Ahead