I ask only for the strength to defend my people.

pAndi's Sticky Ponies
( 2004-05-12 @ 10:40 p.m. )

So here I am again, I apologize for the lack of entries. Has been a busy past few weeks and such crap. So much has happened, I drove 3 hours to Lantanna to see pAndi and pick up the ponies she had for me, my 15 year old niece tried to kill herself......BLEH! Just one of those weeks.

Anyway, yes my 15 year old niece tried to kill herself, which was part of the reason I have not been on so much the last week or so. I had to rush up to the hospital before my Dad got there because I knew he would ream her out, and I am the only one in the family she respects enough to listen to. So that was no fun, she got baker-acted of course.....~sighs~ a mess really.

On the brighter side of life, I called pAndi on Monday night, and decided to go up to Lantanna to see her on Tuesday, so I did. Much fun to be had, ponies, we went out to lunch......she's so wonderful, and so much fun to be around. It was all in all a wonderful time, I intend to go see her a few more times inbetween now and when she leaves. It was so much fun! I am in the process of cleaning up the ponies she gave me, windy and sumemr wingsa, a big brother pony and so on.

IF YOU HAVE PONIES YOU DONT WANT I WILL GIVE THEM GOOD HOMES! E-MAIL ME! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, or any other 80's toys for that matter.

I have also done a TON of thrift-storing, have foudn a few ponies, and some other great 80's toys, so Im pleased with that. I found a sparkle baby Gusty the other day and she is just the cutest thing EVER! Wheeee!

I also got the new LOTR figures, the glow in the dark king of the dead {this thing glows bright enough to BLIND you, seriously}, the witchking with his huge mace, armored faramir who looks awesome even if I DONT LIKE Framir, and then merry in Rohirrim armor which is the BEST likeness ever! Very nice, also whilst in Toys R' Us I came across Harry Potter candies, and not just the Bertie Bott's beans, I have seen those a million times. They had Ice Mice, Fizzing Whizbees, Jelly Slugs and the Bertie Bott's beans, I got osme of all, and HEARTILY reccomend the Ice Mice....VERY GOOD!

So yes, enough on that. Remember my last entry, The "Empress of The Cardinals?" well I have built a story around it, and in addition to my novel, I am going to write that little story up as a childrens book! I have been on one hell of a roll with my writing, I am quite pleased with myself, maybe it's because some unwelcome burdens have been lifted, or maybe because my muses are working overtime.

Either way, I am thankful for it. I am sure my muses are partially to blame. Muses are like that, fickle and brilliant at the same time. As a writer, I have often wondered why my muses are my muses. Why have they captured me in such a way that I cant get rid of them?

Boromir.....my beautiful, proud brave Boromir. He has been perhaps my most long-withstanding muse. He has been with me since the beginning, and I could NEVER let him go. He has inspired so many poems, even a short story with his grace, beauty, even his flaws........just the merest though of being near him can still send me into a writing frenzy, the hint of his eyes so filled with longing, ans the strength in his arms....and even more so in his heart. He has always been my first muse, and always will be. He knows that to mind you.

Haldir.......the beautiful, arrogant, confident Marchwarden. He has inspired poetry of sheer beauty out of me. Flawless little details and things I never thought I could capture. He allows me to tap into the slightly arrogant part of me, the part that should stay hidden, but needs a jaunt every now and then. His grace, elegance and mannerisms cause me to agonize over a single line for hours, he demands perfection, and one smirk from those lips and TRUST ME HE GETS IT!

Frodo......Well this one was a fluke really. I always liked Frodo, but never anticipated him permanantly joining me as a muse. Then after a odd dream "Let go of my Sugarplum you big, dumb human" {the dream is listed under that on my archives page} and there he was. He ocnvinced me I needed some innocence to sort of drone out Boromir and Haldir a bit, and I agreed. His warmth, innocence, and playfullness is enough to make me love him so that I dont mind that he's permanently attached gto my leg.

Galadriel....Her Majesty, the Lady of Light. My favrite female character from all of Tolkien, I just consider myself lucky to have her wandering around here at all. She inspires beauty, mystery, a sort of deeper understanding, and the lsightest hint of tragic sadness, like flowers lost beneath a blanket of snow. She inspires beauty in it's purest form, soft, white light.

Shelob....Talk about the other end of the spectrum. I am actually, despite what one may think delighted to have Shelob around. I really am. She allwos me to safely explore the darker side of things, to creep into the shadows with her close behind watching over me. I can safely explore the darker reaches of inspiration wihout having to fear.

Draco....Yes, Draco Malfoy. Also a wonderful muse, sure he's snotty, and immature.....BUT he has his own story, and I am privelged to be the one he chose to tell it to. He's dark in a childliek way, liek oen that dabbles with things he's unsure of, but he has little fear plus hes utterly infatuated with me, even if he hates to admit it. He allwos me to flex my evil muscles a bit.

Lucius....The king of all evil. He allows me to spill the dark stuff all over the floor and roll around in it until I am thoroughly coated in syrupy-sweet evil. I can explore all my wants and desires without having to hide or regret anything, he encourages it in me....and getting that out, well trust me, its better than leaving IT IN!

Olive....Oh yes, everyones favorite Quidditch player. He is.....well the accent, the adorable innocent cuteness. I admit, I stalked him, followed him around until he gave in, threw up the white flag and surrendured to me. He gave in gracefully, and his subtle sexiness makes me melt......thats what he does best, make me melt.....LOL!

Captain Jack...Oh dear. My most active muse, this could take PARAGRAPHS......he barged into my head the same night I saw the film, and I oculdnt convince him, his stench, or his drunken singing to go away. So I acquiessed and here he remains, he inspires the most BEAUTIFUL versage from me, poems of pure lust, desire, tempation and beauty. He makes me swoon, sigh, and fall over with just his mere presence...and he knows it. I met, go gooey and follow him around liek a lost puppy, he inspires things in my poetry that I didnt even think could exist.

Laslty Mort....Mort Rainey. Another VERY heavy influence on me. He is inspiring the entirety of ym novel, he's a bit insane, a bit homicidal but heavy on the inspiration. He lurks, and broods, and over-analyzes and allwos me to do the same. He's very seductive on the dark end of the spectrum and he's the type of person you have to be careful not to over-dose on....because trust me, you can it's a sweet poison and a even sweeter death.

So those are my muses, and WHY they are my muses. Of course many of you, my sisters and friends inpire poems as well...some laying around I havent even shown to said people. but I thank you nonetheless.

I feel blessed to have such a group with me.............half keeping me sane, and the other half driving me to the edge and back.

Speaking of the latter half why are we so obsessed with the bad guys? The ones we ARENT supposed to like....why? Some sort of escape mechanism........a way to superfically long for what we cannot actually be ourselves? A fascination with the darker side....the lust, and desire, and the thrill of being hunted, or being the hunter........

Who knows, but I know sometimes I have this obsession myself...but more on that later.

In any case, that's it for me. A better update to come, plus a update to the novel in the poetry diary soon.

Home Is Behind...

The World Ahead...

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