I ask only for the strength to defend my people.

Johnny Frigging GOD Depp
( 2004-04-20 @ 8:51 p.m. )

I hope everyone enjoyed reading the entry about friends I did last week. Go back a entry and have a look, your name may be in there!

So time for another update. I cant belive people actually read this sometimes, good God I am boring.Well this entry is about alot of things really, Dreams, Tolkien, Books...muses...all of that. Just the type of crap you would expect from someone who believes themself a elf, is a paranoid author, and reads to much.

Firstly however I am putting a call out to all of my Sisters/Other peopel who read this diary. As you may or may not know, I avidly collect My Little Ponies, my collection was stolen when we moved and I was 12. Well I am still searching them out

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE if you have any hidden away and dont want them let me know! Maybe we can work out a deal! I really want to give all ponies good homes.

I will also happily take any other 80's toys, especially Fairy Tail Birds, Rose Petal Place dolls, She-Ra, Jem and The Holograms, Furrever Friends {kitt cats that had tail attachments you could velcro on}, Keypers, Perfume Pets and Little Pretties, Shimmers, Moondreamers etc. Dont know what it is? Describe it to me, chances are I can help you identify it! PLEASE I WANT TOYS!

Also there are THESE.........Serendipity Books. Here is a link, maybe that will jog your memory. HERE they are I AM DESPERATE for these. I had been trying to remember for 2 or 3 years what these books were called, and I quite accidentley stumbled across it last night. These books were literally MY WORLD when I was a kid. I would do just about darn near anything to get some of them back, so if anyone has any and would consider parting with them. LET ME KNOW! E-mail is above but it is miserythemalkie@hotmail.com

Allright, allright enough of my pathetic begging for childhood toys and books. Today was interesting. Wound up going to the Flea Market with my Mom and her friend. I basically went on the off chance of finding some old toys, books...whatever. Fat chance in hell I figured, but I went anyway.

Went to a couple of yard sales on the way to flea market...nothing. Get to the flea market and walk a few aisles...nothing. Then I walk past this little old lady who has some toys stacked up. I then sighed, all of the ponies were evil fake my little ponies, then I doubled back, one in the very back was a real MLP, and a little baby in front was. I grinned and snagged them up, ok so they were in crap condition, but a once over assured me they could be cleaned. Besides, they were ponies and needed a good home. Then in a ziploc bag was a Lily Fair Rose Petal Place doll in mint condition only missing her hat, I LOVED her, she was my favorite rose petal place doll as a kid. I left here there and browsed the rest of the flea market. As we went to leave, guilt caught up with me and I back-pedaled and bought her, two ponies and a minty Lily doll for like 10 dollars. Not to shabby.

Starflower and First Tooth Baby Bouncy to be exact. ~Pets her new ponies~

In any case back to the entryBasically I was thinking of what it is that gets people so caught up in books, especially fantasy books. It seems like soem of us, at times simply cannot breathe without them. I know for a fact I am one of those people, as are a large number of people I know.

I think in a way, it's almost a matter of saftey. We feel intametly famillar with these places and their inhabitants. No matter how crazy that makes us. We are part of these worlds as surely as the very magic that binds us to them is a part of our lives. These books are a nearly intimate experience, some of these characters are as close to us as lovers. They can bring us joy and fulfillment like no human lover ever could. The joy of our imagination, there in these worlds, in the worlds within our own heads we can do whatever we choose, with whomever we choose, and no one can tell us hwo wrong it is, how silly and insane we are.

Sometimes the bravest of us allow our trysts and affairs to be dusted off and brought to life through stories, poetry, or simple words that have no real formula, just words and longing.

For instance, my poetry in my poetry diary. I will admit, 99.9% of it is musing over the encounters I ruminate over. Be it Boromir, Haldir, Pippin, Captain Jack, Mort Rainey.....whoever stirs my senses at any given time. Whomever inspires me to imagianings that actually make true feelings arise within me. Basically whoever INSPIRES me. Sometimes I find myself toning it down a bit, so it doesnt come across like true longing, at other times I just cant.

I find no shame in the desire of what most would call the unobtainable. However is it truly unobtainable? If you can make these meetings take place in your head. If you can have the long walk on the beach with Captain Jack, or the tour of Gondor with Boromir himself.......then does that not make it truly accesible?

I believe it does. I also believe it is perfectly healthy. So many of us immerse ourselves in this fantasy world and then when reality sets in, as my friend Anwen so aptly put it we "hit the ground crying". I think we should help eachother foster these worlds, because to lose them is a outrage, a travesty indeed. I do so with my friends, we speak of our muses, of our loves, our secret worlds.......I think everyone should be more open about it. You can tell me your singing my guestbook from Mirkwood, in Legolas's treetop home and will I laugh at you?

Most certainly not, I'll counter back with saying I am actually on Captain Jack's ship......

Then the people who dont believe me can kiss my white arse. YOU try telling Frdo he isnt attached to my leg. As J1 once put it after we had spent a hour or two on AIM discussing our muses, {I allowed Jack to commandeer my computer and speak to her}, I said "Thanks for humoring me", she retorted "Humoring you?~Glances at hobbit attached to her leg~" so there you are. There is no reason to be ashamed of it.

This is something I wrote on paper, as I came back From Gathering, it's a few pages long but I'll just excerpt the best bit.

"I feel like my journey may never end. I just want to sleep, there in my dreams they can hear me, they call to me. There I am SAFE, resting in Boromir's arms in Gondor, there I am safe with Pippin holding my hand, there I am safe marveling at the beauty of Lothlorien with the Marchwarden Haldir....I am safe. "

So there we are, where I ask you is the shame in that? I will continue to write my poetry be it full of love, lust or longing, I will continue the journeys and secret trysts in my head, and I will continue to blather on to anyone who will listen about Jack, and Mort, and Boromir and Haldir.......and all of you who think I'm insane, well you can just keep calling

me insane.

As if I truly give a shit.

As a author my muses are very important to me, and no matter what emotions they stir within me I allow it to happen unimpeded. That is part of the magic of writing, and no matter what those feelings are, unrequited love, unsatiated lust.....who cares? WRITE IT DOWN! It helps, trust me. If you feel the need to share it with someone or just talk to someone, I am here. And no, I will never make fun of you.

As a writer, not censoring yourself is so important. Writing is a gift, a beautiful, wonderful gift. I will admit it can also be one hell of a curse, and nearly drive you completley mad but still. It is such a gift, writers have the power to create worlds, entire races of people, or just one extremley wonderful individual. We also have the power to destroy and corrupt. This al ties in, thusly why my novel is about a paranoid author that falls in love with her own creation, and wreaks havoc in his life, assuming that its her right to do so, after all it's only a story, only to find out it isnt a game, he does exist,

and hes coming for her....literally.

Muses can be fickle as hell, and very bitchy. Choose your muses wisely, because once you have one they are DAMN hard to get rid of. Also, make sure your muses bathe, or you wind up having to spray them down with Febreeze like I do with Jack.

Seriously though, if you have the gift of writing, never let yourself lose it. Flex your writing muscles and keep them toned......because to be able to create worlds, and people, to be able to even gratify yourself by placing yourself wherever you choose, with whomever you choose is truly a ift, it keeps some of us sane, and in your own world you can be graced by perfection as often as you like.

Allright enough ranting. I just want to post something here that made me SO MAD! Last night my friend Rachel called, the friend I so recently went to Disney with remember?

Well apparently on the same night I drove to Orlando to pick her up fate ocnspired against us. HER MOTHER was at the Grand Floridian resort in the bar, now this is one UBER-EXPENSIVE frigging hotel. Well in the bar, who does she see?

JOHNNY DEPP, no I AM NOT KIDDING! So she has only ever seen Edward Scissorhands, but she knows it's him and buys him a drink and sends it over. He comes over to thank her and drinks his drink with Rachels Mom and Brother, they comment on the gorgeous fireworks, Johnny remarks that he would go watch them, but there's so many people he's afraid of getting mobbed, so Rachel's brother says he knows a place where they could watch them that isnt crowded. So rachel's brother, mom and JOHNNY FRIGGING GOD DEPP go watch the FUCKING FIREWORKS TOGETHER........

Meanwhile I am getting out of the car walking to the hotel, looking up at the sky thinking of how beautiful the fireworks are.

I WAS WATCHING THE SAME FIREWORKS about oh I dont know, two hotels away from Johnny Depp.....FUCKITY-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK! Rachel told me this last night, apparently her mother had completley neglected to tell her until about a week ago. She didnt know who he was aside from Edward Scissorhands and hadnt even seen Pirates of The Caribbean until after she told Rachel this, and Rachel made her watch it!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE FRIGGING HUMANITY! Well I was watching the same fireworks as him, thats a nice though.......perhaps we breathed in the same particles of air. Maybe it's better I didnt meet him, I would have not been able to control the urge to do one of the following.

(A. Tie him up and poke him with a stick until he quoted lines from POTC.

(B. Full on completley and utterly attached myself to his leg, then kiss him repeatedly.

(C. Tie him up and stick him in my trunk.I dont think I could have restrained myself from kissing him........ACK! THE IRONY!

In any case, that is all. Sign my Guestbook and GO HEREand read my poetry, and my novel! NOW!

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