I ask only for the strength to defend my people.

I'm Savvy
( 2004-01-30 @ 11:25 p.m. )

Wow....bleh, not to much to write about, so I think I'll touch upon the believer disbeliever topic again. It is always one of my favorites. Go back a entry if you want to see ultra-cheesy photos of me at The Gathering of The Fellowship.

AND JO! Signmyg-book is being a whore, so PLEASE E-mail me so we can catch up, I have missed you to. And everyone else, sorry I only got a few g-books signed....like I said sign my g-book is giving me hell, will answer them tomorrow most likley.

Before I go there however, I would like to reittarate I did see Pirates of The Caribbean. Yes, there, be proud of me. Ok so the plot was a bit silly, and some parts of the movie were either pure and absolute cheese or simple Disney Fluff, but WOW! Johnny Depp just carried that film FLAWLESSLEY! He has always been a favorite actor of mine, and I have seen everything he's been in, but WOW!

Dont know how many of you know this, but Johnny has a new movie coming out Shattered Mirror...or Shadowed Mirror....or summat, but the really cool thing is Johnny is playing Willy Wonka in Tim Burton's remake of Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.

It's due out in 2005 methinks, I CANT WAIT to see that, should be awesome and terrifying all ta once. The original film never did anything but scare the absolute SHIT out of me, I think that was mostly Gene Wilder's fault though, so maybe, just maybe I'll like this one better.

In other news THIS WEEK FOR SURE Christmas Presents are going to get sent as well as letters. Sorry for the massive delay, things have been hectic as hell around here. It's really driving me nuts.

Truth be told, Im exhausted, frustrated and oculd use a real pick me up. My boyfriend isnt helping, he's in a rotten mood everynight because the resturaunt his mother opened is failing miserably and has to be closed then end of Feb. thankfully they can still keep the ice cream store open, but that wont be enough, so he's in a terrible mood everynight and such.

I'll be fine though. Enough about that crap.

On the weirder side of life, my brother came and brought me a skull today, I figure it's racoon or possum. He found it when he was walking. Very cool, teeth still intact. Will add it to the collection.

Yes, I'm morbid, I colelct bones. They fascinate me, I like studying them. Only animal bones though, so no worries.....but I do have alot of cool bones and skulls.

Ah yes, anyways.....back to my rant on belief/disbelief.

So what is it exactly that causes some people to believe while others scoff?

Is it a sense of preserved innocence? Do some of us just never QUITE grow up?

Well that could be. I have both said in refrence to me. Plenty of people, even people very near and dear to my heart have scoffed and told me to grow up and "mature".

They say this as if it's truly a good thing. What good is growing up and maturing I ask you?

We are told to "put aside childish things."

Why? Does believing in a different world, or believing your a elf, or a Fae have any kind of impact on having a job, or going about your daily buisness?

No, not really, it doesnt have any negative effects on ME AT ALL....UNLESS someone ELSE makes it negative. The very people that are telling us to do these things are doing a self-fulfilling prophecy by making something that isnt miserable for us...well miserable for us.

Does that make any sense?

They act as if growing up and "maturing" is a cut and dry thing. Stop believing in magic, dress normal, do your hair a normal color, stop having fun, stop acting immature.

What IS immaturity? It can be taken so many different ways. Dont get me wrong, I realize there are bad types of immaturity. However, the immaturity people usually referr to is something that isnt immaturity at all. To these people immaturity means dying your hair blue, seeing fairies, believing in Middle Earth, going to see LOTR 67 times in the theater, dressing odd......all of those things seem to consolidate immaturity.

That, if you ask me is complete and utter bullshit!

We can function as well as anybody else and keep our beliefs.

I do it.

So why do some people believe when others dont?

I think one of the larger reasons perhaps is fear. Plain and simple fear of the unknown. This same fear leads to all types of nasty prejudices, and this is no different. We are prejudiced and labelled immature for our beliefs.

So yes, I think part of it is fear, also I think it may be anger as well.

Anger because perhaps they had the same beliefs taken from them, or anger perhaps because they resent us for having magic running through our veins in lieu of blood. So they resent us for what they cant be. And even better for what they cant SEE!

So we become their objects of ridicule and disdain. It's both sickening and heartbreaking.

Very little thought is given to how much courage it takes those of us who do believe to admit this to people. Our families, friends, signifigcant others. It is an act of true courage to admit to seeing things, or having flashes of past lives where your convinced you were a elf. No one pays attention to that. Then when you do tell them your ridiculed, told to see a psyciatrist or completley ignored. No one cares, and even fewer understand.

It's ridiculous, but no thought is given to how it hurts us when we are scoffed at. Then, we generally withdraw from said person even further, refusing to divulge information, refusing to be ourselves, depriving ourselves of being ourselves....and then we become something we arent quite simply.

Sometimes it works, sometimes they change us.

Then some of us are just to damn stubborn to care very much and we shrug it off.

So I am here to tell you to do just that. I had a conversation with a special someone. I wont name names in case she doesnt want me to, but she has a diary here, and we talked on AIM.....comparing stories and talking about what we see and experience that others dont. It was very special, and so is she.

So, basically if you see these things....YOU ARENT INSANE, YOU ARENT WRONG....you are SPECIAL, and I believe you have magic running through your veins in lieu of blood.

Embrace that, and DO NOT allow anyone to take it from you, and never feel alone. If you need someone to talk to about it I can always be reached, just e-mail me from above link at the top of my diary.

I will happily chat away with you and share my story. Maybe one day I can share my story here on diaryland as well......once I feel safe enough.

Basically, never let people drag you down. You are what you are, and nothing will change that, you have to....well to quote Jack Sparrow "Pirates in your blood, you'll have to square with that one day."

Well "magic is in your blood, you'll have to square with that some day."

So square with it, accept it, love it, and revell in it. Kudos to those of you who do, and to those who are lost, I will light your way.

Allright....that's it, until next time.....

As Captain Jack says, and this is for all of you believers..."Bring Me That Horizon!"

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